I haven’t been on this thing in nearly 2 years! That’s ridiculous– I’m def too crazy to be holding all my thoughts inside lol. Hopefully coming back here to vent at the end of every day will make me feel better, and rereading my craziness will hopefully cure it *fingers crossed*.
I really think my depression is coming back. This is the first weekend I’ve really done anything besides sit at home and catch up on shows. I don’t know if it’s cuz I don’t feel like I have any friends here, or if it’s cuz I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes anymore, but I do not like getting dressed up and going out. I’d much rather grab some bottles and go to a friends house or have people over here.
I also feel sad that I’m not close with my AUC friends here anymore. I blame the nomadic lifestyle I had my whole life. I spent the first 18 years of my life moving 10 times and never really learned how to keep in touch. I always said it, but I never did it. The few friends I have from my younger years (Shannon, Ashley, Mychelle) are really only there because THEY made the effort. I love them and I’m so glad we’re still friends, but if it had been left solely up to me we would have long since stopped hanging out.
I feel like everyone is moving forward with their lives and I’m stuck. I don’t feel AS stuck as I did a few months ago when I was still at Enterprise, but I still feel like I’m behind. Am I settling with the guys I date? Am I missing out on real love because I’m trying to make something so broken work? HOW DO YOU MEET GUYS????? I feel like I’m a pretty girl with an amazing personality (funny witty blah blah) but I can’t figure this dating thing out! I don’t know how to not be aggressive- but I tell my girl friends you can’t be with a guy. I don’t know how to not complain when I’m upset- but I tell my mom to just STFU or he’ll go running in the opposite direction. It’s like, all the ingredients are there for a perfectly sane Renise, but I’m still fuckin it all up!
So many issues in this pretty little head. This won’t all be a self help blog tho… I like to rant and talk shit so I’ll do that a lot here too . I’ll also prolly talk about my working out efforts- or lack there of lol. My astrological reading for the year says that this is the year I get my life together so I hope by April 2013 I will have come full circle!!