Starting over in 2012

I haven’t been on this thing in nearly 2 years!  That’s ridiculous– I’m def too crazy to be holding all my thoughts inside lol.  Hopefully coming back here to vent at the end of every day will make me feel better, and rereading my craziness will hopefully cure it *fingers crossed*. 

I really think my depression is coming back.  This is the first weekend I’ve really done anything besides sit at home and catch up on shows.  I don’t know if it’s cuz I don’t feel like I have any friends here, or if it’s cuz I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes anymore, but I do not like getting dressed up and going out.  I’d much rather grab some bottles and go to a friends house or have people over here. 

I also feel sad that I’m not close with my AUC friends here anymore.  I blame the nomadic lifestyle I had my whole life.  I spent the first 18 years of my life moving 10 times and never really learned how to keep in touch.  I always said it, but I never did it.  The few friends I have from my younger years (Shannon, Ashley, Mychelle) are really only there because THEY made the effort.  I love them and I’m so glad we’re still friends, but if it had been left solely up to me we would have long since stopped hanging out. 

I feel like everyone is moving forward with their lives and I’m stuck.  I don’t feel AS stuck as I did a few months ago when I was still at Enterprise, but I still feel like I’m behind.  Am I settling with the guys I date?  Am I missing out on real love because I’m trying to make something so broken work?  HOW DO YOU MEET GUYS?????  I feel like I’m a pretty girl with an amazing personality (funny witty blah blah) but I can’t figure this dating thing out!  I don’t know how to not be aggressive- but I tell my girl friends you can’t be with a guy.  I don’t know how to not complain when I’m upset- but I tell my mom to just STFU or he’ll go running in the opposite direction.  It’s like, all the ingredients are there for a perfectly sane Renise, but I’m still fuckin it all up!

So many issues in this pretty little head.  This won’t all be a self help blog tho…  I like to rant and talk shit so I’ll do that a lot here too .  I’ll also prolly talk about my working out efforts- or lack there of lol.  My astrological reading for the year says that this is the year I get my life together so I hope by April 2013 I will have come full circle!!

Just say NO

It’s been so easy for me to just say no to foods that are bad, which is good because you get tempted so many times in one day– especially on holidays. At work today they bought us hot dogs, chips, sodas, and cookies and I didn’t indulge! I did try the animal crackers and “oreos” because they were organic from Whole Foods and everyone kept saying how much different/better they were. I only had two of each instead of pigging out like I normally would have lol.

***FYI: a few people asked me if you could still drink while doing the cleanse and I was kind of shocked. The whole point in the cleanse is to rid your body of toxins that build up and keep you fat. Alcohol is one of the worst of those toxins. So not only would you just be putting back into your system what the lemonade is flushing out, but you’d be drinking on am empty stomach so you’d probably kill yourself. Don’t let not being able to drink deter you from doing it though! It’s only a week- 2 weeks of not drinking, can you reeeeally not go that long?? If not, maybe the cleanse isn’t right for you, but I would like you to check out an AA meeting please ***

For breakfast I had a regular sized cinnamon raisin bagel, one side with honey the other with the omega 3 peanut butter, turkey, and boiled egg whites. I had the same for lunch but I had all honey instead of the peanut butter, with a cup of pineapples. Dominique bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner and made this salad with cranberries bacon cheese and ranch. IDK just how healthy it was, but it sure was delicious lol. I also had the rest of the steamed broccoli, which was probably less than a cup hahaha. She’s really been helping me eat healthy. She bought some low fat jello snacks, cheese snack packs, and some a lot of fruit.

I didn’t work out that long cuz I’m cramping and it really hurts to move. I did maybe 10minutes on the Wii before my tummy just said no lol.

Tomorrow morning is my meeting with Jenny Craig! I decided that was probably the next best thing to help me learn how to eat healthy. Dominique is coming with me for support, and probably to learn a few things too since she’ll probably be doing most of the cooking hahahahaha. OK, the meeting is early so I’m gonna head on to bed now. Night night!!

First full day on solids

This morning my wonderful sister cooked me breakfast! I swear, I’m never gonna be able to live alone cuz I’ve gotten so used to people doing all these things for me hahaha! She made real oatmeal (which I seasoned with vanilla and the left over maple syrup). I had half a cup of that, and then I made a mini cinnamon n raisin bagel with Omega 3 peanut butter, boiled egg whites, and turkey. I know that sounds absolutely crazy, like something a pregnant woman would crave, but it’s actually really good lol. I had a handful of grapes on the side and I washed it all down with a lot of water. That kept me full until around 3 when I took my break and ate the other half a cup of my oatmeal and a cup of pineapples. I’m actually not sure how good those are since they’re preserved, but it’s not canned or in sugary syrup so I think we’re ok… I also had a handful of almonds throughout the day which are really really good for you.

For dinner I had another piece of baked chicken with spinach, broccoli, and mashed potatoes. I drank all of my 64oz bottle of water and then some, and then worked out on my Wii some more! That thing is addictive!! I got up to the 10min super hoola hoop and I was DYING!!! It felt good though. I had to bbm to distract myself from the timer counting down cuz I didn’t think I was gonna make it hahaha. I did five minutes to the right and five minutes to the left- twice! It was intense!! It said I had lost another 1.5lb so I know I’m doin somethin right! And I’m pretty sure this stayin up late madness is bad, so off to bed I go!

Day 8/Day 1

It’s over. I decided 8 days and -drumroll please- 15lbs was enough. Yes that’s right I lost 15 POUNDS ladies and gentlemen!! This realization hit me all at once after a very hard day…. After waking up and only being able to make one drink, I thought I’d be find with water for the rest of the day. I kind of sorta was, until I got a headache and the shivers. Ever since I started this diet I’ve been FREEZING every day all day, even when I’m in my black on black car with no air on. It’s ridiculous! Then I got a headache today and I wasn’t sure if I could take anything cuz medication isn’t organic and has preservatives and all types of toxins in it so I went the whole day in pain. Theeeeen, when I tried to go get lemons after work at the organic market across the street from my house, there was a TERRIBLE accident on the one lane road from the freeway to my house so it took me 45min and they were closed. I just felt defeated and mad and everything that is completely opposite of the happy, accomplished way I had been feeling yesterday, and I asked myself “is two more days worth it?” Clearly, the answer was no lol.

So while today was Day 8 of the Master Cleanse, it was also Day 1 of Renise’s new lifestyle . For dinner I had baked chicken, steamed broccoli, spinach, and a spoonful of mashed potatoes. I couldn’t even eat all of it, and then I had serious urges to throw it all up. I drank a loooot of water, and then hopped on my Wii (where I learned I’d lost another 2lbs). Tomorrow for breakfast I’m having homemade oatmeal, egg whites, wheat toast with honey, and a cup of fruit, and I’ll probably just chug the gallon of water all day. I maaaaay get a Lean Cuisine for lunch if the water doesn’t satisfy me, but I feel like I could be good on a healthy breakfast.

Even though the cleanse is over, I’m still going to use this blog to keep track of what I’m eating and how much I’m exercising. I wanna thank everyone who encouraged me throughout this experience. I really learned a lot about myself, and I couldn’t be more motivated now that I’ve done the hardest part! Wish me luck!!!!!

Day 7

It’s been a whole week!!! I’m lowkey awesome hahaha.

Anywho… I bought Wii Fit Plus today! It’s awesome! I set my goal weight loss for 22lbs in 3months which is only like 3.5lbs every 2 weeks. That’s NOTHIN!! I can be waaaay past that by then! I plan on being like 120lbs by homecoming . The last time I was weighed was about a month ago and even though I never look, I did notice her hitting the thing up A LOT so I took a peek to see what we had passed, and I’m pretty sure she stopped somewhere shy of 190. Wii Fit has me at 177 as of today though . My Wii age is 35, and my BMI is damn near obese so we got a long way to go lol.

I worked out for an hour on the Wii and burned 307 calories. I need to figure out how many calories I need to burn each day in order to drop 2lbs every week. If anyone knows, or knows where I can look, please chime in!

Today I made my bottles 2glasses and I have to say this is the best way to do it. It was just as easy to drink as one glass, and you get more in so you’re not running to make another one every few hours. I had one for breakfast around 11am, another one for lunch around 3pm, and the last one I finished while playing on the Wii around 10/11pm. I forgot to buy more lemons, but I have enough to make a 2serving bottle so that’ll be what I take to work all day (along with a gallon of water) and then I’ll just have 2 when I get home. I’m off early so having one when I get home around 7 and the last one around 10 should be fine.

I could NOT finish my SWF this morning. I took some BAAAAAD advice from a blog and added lemon juice to it which is supposed to make it easier to drink– FALSE NEGATIVE WRONG!! DO NOT DO THIS!!! It was terrible!!! I drank about half before I just couldn’t anymore and ended up taking the tea. IDK what I’m gonna do tomorrow (probably not the SWF since it’s 2am and I have to leave for work at 7:30am lol), but it won’t involve mixing lemon juice with salt and water lol.

The only real test I faced today was being in CostCo (where I bought all my Wii games). You know they have a million free samples!!!! I had totally forgot until my sister ran off and left me in the video game isle, which is inconveniently located by THREE!!!! It took all my concentration to just get the games and go, and then Dom catches up with me breath smelling like chicken, carrying a cup of some bean dish that looked heavenly. THEN she wanted to go to Chick-Fil-A after!!!!! If it had been anyone else (not family) I would have smacked them and drove home, but I couldn’t just let my sister “starve”. So we went and from the moment we pulled up at the drive-thru I regretted it. I asked them to double bag her food so the aroma wouldn’t permeate my car, but I still knew what was in there lol. I didn’t cheat though *3 cheers*.

Since it’s technically day 8 as I’m writing this, I’m gonna end here and get some shut eye. Night!

Day 6

Shoutout to Popeye and my sister, Dominique, for keeping me on the straight n narrow lol.

I made it through class without being famished! My tummy didn’t even grumble I filled my blue bottle up with filtered water and just chugged from that all morning. I got home a little after 12 and made my first glass. OMG it is soooooo much easier to drink one glass at a time!

***FYI: It’s important to drink A LOT of water while drinking the lemonade because the cayenne pepper and the acid from the lemons will eat away at the lining of your stomach and cause sever pains. Anytime you start feeling these pains, chug some water and they’ll go away.***

So drinking one glass at a time is way easier, but I def used more lemons. IDK if the new lemons I bought just aren’t producing as much juice (these are organic) or what, but I used about 1.5 per glass which was a total of 8 lemons for all 6 gasses. I was using like 5 or 6 on the full days bottle.

***FYI: If you apply a little pressure to the lemons and roll them on the counter before you cut them it will loosen up the juices… Or so I’ve been told… I did use more lemons today so maybe it’s not true lol.***

I didn’t do a lax or SWF today because I didn’t have time to do the SWF in the morning before I left and I’m scared to do the lax lol. I maaaaaaay still do the tea, but I seriously doubt it. I’ll do the SWF in the morning for sure though, and just pray that I’m not completely ruining the cleanse lol.

I almost broke today (hence my shoutout to Popeye who told me to “have some GD integrity” which made me feel like my favorite teacher had just caught me taking the master key to a test). My sister ordered BangBang shrimp from our new fave restaurant, Bone Fish Grill, and this dish is like shrimp tempura dipped in the spicy mayonnaise which is my faaaave sushi roll. I hijacked her bag and ran around the island in the kitchen because she wouldn’t let me have a piece so I didn’t want her to have it either. I finally retreated to the pantry and tried to lock myself in there, but I was laughing too hard at this cripple chasing me and she busted through and stole the bag back before I could get it open. I wanted to cry lol. She gave me the lid to the box to sniff and I promise you it was almost as good as eating it. I probably looked like a crackhead though hahaha.

I just finished a 30min workout on the gazelle, and I was about to hop on my Wii Fit, but it’s missing!! I’m sooooo upset!!! I may go buy the newer one in the morning (I wanted it anyways), but I really wanted to see how much I weighed compared to the last time I used it (March 2009). Oh well…

I’m chugging my last glass now, and then I’ll probably do some ab workout or something cuz I have waaaay too much energy lol. Night!

Day 5

Big big big THANK YOU to Christine, Vashti, Twix, and my coworkers for all their continued support!! Even the ones who shake their head and tell me to “be careful”, I know it’s just out of love lol. I’m halfway there!!! Yesterday Shomari said that my ass was looking smaller, and then he said “what if you only lost weight from your ass and boobs?!” and I got reeeeeally depressed lolol. As much as I want smaller boobs, I want my whole body to be smaller too!

Last night I had a dream that I was shopping in my mom’s closet from high school. She was a bit tinnier than me so it was def motivation.

The lax never kicked in last night so I’ve pretty much given up on that. I took the SWF this morning and it worked almost immediately lol. I really really hate this stuff and it almost came back up the second I drank the last drop, but it seems to be the only thing working. Next time I do it I’ll have to add some lemon juice or something.. So it works best, but the whole day I felt like I was bout to pull a Charlotte from SATC 1 and “pookipsie” in my pants lol.

***Supplies Update: So I just got off the phone with Essence who just finished reading my blog and she said to stay away from the tea! She said it can cause bleeding– ewww! So, I gotta figure out a way to make this SWF stay down lol.***

GUESS WHAT!?!?!?!? MY SIZE 12 PANTS ARE LOOSE ON ME!!!!!! I spent the whole day pulling my pants back up to my belly button to make them stay, but they’d always end up back on the edge of my hips threatening to show panties lol. That means I’ve dropped one and a half sizes!!! I will def be a size 8 by the end! Everyone was saying that my neck and collar bone area look slimmer too

I did terrible drinking today, but that was mostly cuz I was always running to the bathroom hahaha. I sipped a lot on my drive home though so now it’s not so bad. I can probably just chug the rest. I also almost cheated! Sabrina opened her diet coke as we were walking and some splattered on my hand so I licked it off hahahaha. She goes “aww, you just cheated!” and I fell out laughing! It was literally like a rain drop hahaha.

Tomorrow is gonna be an interesting day because I forgot to buy lemons tonight and I’m out. I’m off tomorrow, but I have class from 8-11. I think I’ll be able to go that long with just water, because I usually do in the morning when my shift doesn’t start untill 11:45, but then I have to drive home, buy the lemons, and then make the lemonade.. OH! But I’m going to make it by the glass tomorrow and not one big bottle, so it won’t take me that long to make it.

I’m off tomorrow and Thursday and I plan on working out for like an hour on both days. Cuz even though I’m not actually working out, working in retail has def helped me shed a few lbs! Saks is not anything like Dillard’s or Express, we don’t just stay in our sections. I’m running around (well, walking briskly) all day. My family is leaving tomorrow (except for Dominique) so I may set up my Wii Fit in Brianna’s room and do some hoola hooping. Oo also I’ll be able to see what my weight is compared to the last time I used it waaaaay back in like March of 09 lol. I’m so sure I gained weight at Disney so I bet it’ll say I’m either right back to wear I was then, or maybe a few lbs heavier.

Ok, gotta be up bright and early for class so toodles!